Blake • Counsel

15 Questions to Ask Before Taking Him Serious

Okay ladies, over the years I have realized how important the art of asking questions is. Asking questions is important for the simple fact, it gives you insight on the way people think. If you are wondering if you want to get serious with a young man, here are 15 questions you can ask him that will reveal his inner character and mindset. Don’t just blatantly ask the questions but really dig deep . Ask more clarifying questions for each one that will give you a better understanding. Also, be prepared for you to be asked the same questions in response. Avoid asking all 15 questions at once, unless you want to look like you are interrogating him. Unless, you are playing a casual game of 21 questions.

  1. What’s your relationship like with your mother? I’m sure a lot of you have heard the common phrase, how a man treats his mother is an example of how he will treat you. The same goes towards describing her. Ask him about his relationship with her and see what he says. Often times, if a man and his mother don’t have a good relationship or he doesn’t have a positive view of her, his image of women might be tainted. This could really effect the way he treats women. Regardless, of what he says whenever you get a chance observe the relationship between his mother and him. How he treats her is a reflection of how he will treat you.
  2. Why did you and your ex break up? This question is similar to the question above in the sense you want to pay attention to how he describes her? Does he bash her? Or does he rationally explain what happened? Does he place all the blame on her or does he take responsibility for some of the faults he might have added to the relationship. Don’t be afraid to dig deeper and get all the answers you are looking for. Pay attention to how he describes his ex, because that very well could be you one day.
  3. What are your dreams and aspirations? Let him tell you what he plans on doing with his life and how he plans on achieving it. Listen to his game plan. Does he have one? This will reveal if he thinks a lot into his future.(Future, or how he thinks period) Pay attention to if his answer is generic or if he digs deep while answering the question.
  4. Describe how you argue with a person you don’t care about and a person you do. This is a good question. It will reveal his character and highlight his self respect, and how he respects others. Is he nonchalant or is he passionate? Does he give up easily or does he hold his ground? Is he strong in his beliefs or does he not care enough to argue?
  5. What is your love language? Love languages are so important when learning someone you potentially want to be with. The five love languages are physical touch, gift giving, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service. If you are unaware of love languages, I suggest reading an article before asking the question. Knowing your partners love language, and understanding yours can help enhance the relationship immensely. Having a general understanding of what your partner needs to genuinely feel loved and vise versa can save a relationship.
  6. Do you consider yourself romantic and if so what does it mean to you? Romance is relative. If he says yes, listen to how he justifies romance. Is he romantic in a sensual way? Or is he not romantic at all? Is romantic a required character trait for you to take a man serious? And pay attention to the generic answers vs the genuine ones. Regardless of what he says, a true romantic’s actions will present themselves not to long after their words. Like in the movie Love Jones. Darius Lovehall states “romance is about the possibility of the thing.” Ask him what he thinks about that statement.
  7. How important is sex in your relationships? So many relationships are revolved around sex. Is that something he needs to validate his relationship? Does it add to the relationship or is it the premise of the relationship? Make him expand on his answer.
  8. What are the mans roles in a relationship? What do you “expect” from a woman? This will reveal his gender values, and values period. What does he associate with manhood/womanhood? Is he looking for more equality among his partner or does he feel a man has specific roles in a relationship and the woman does as well.
  9. Is Chivalry dead? If not how do you show it? This will reveal if he has a need or desire to tend to you on a romantic level. Chivalry can describe opening doors, pulling out chairs, moving you to the inside of the street, seating placements in position to the door, etc. However ladies, Chivalry is something that can be reciprocated. When a man is chivalrous to you, don’t hesitate to be generous every once in a while. If he believes chivalry is dead, or doesn’t believe in it. Pay close attention to that. You can either, disregard it, disregard him, or teach him how to be chivalrous when in regards to you. You teach a man how to treat you. Lay the foundation early, on what you expect and won’t tolerate.
  10. Would you rather have $30,000 or an 850 credit score? This goes into his potential financial literacy. In my opinion, he should chose the 850 credit score. $30,000 can buy you a lot of things but an 850 credit score can get you whatever you want in the world. However, that’s just my opinion. Hear him out and see what he says, his perspective might make sense.This question shows his logic when it comes to money and his value system.
  11. Who is greater than you? This will let you know where he views himself in the world. There are a lot of narcissistic men in the world, that should be steered clear of. This will let you know who he holds to a higher esteem than himself, and where he sees himself in the world. If he claims that nobody is greater than him, RUN. If he feels there is nobody greater than him, he will never put you higher than he puts himself. And a relationship is all about helping one another grow.
  12. How often do you get sad? This question will show if he can admit to having emotions, or if his pride is held too high. If he is unaware of his emotions he will be, many times, unable to fully reciprocate the feelings you may develop for him because he is not conscious in the art of feeling.
  13. What is the last book you read? This will show you what he’s interested in. Granted, reading isn’t as popular as it used to be. But ask him just to see what he says. Was the last book he read, read on his own, or a school assignment? You can tell a lot about what a person is interested in by what he reads. For example, financial literacy, real estate, black history, science fiction etc.
  14. What is your biggest character flaw? A lot of people are critical of themselves. See if he will reveal to you what he feels is his biggest demon. This will just be interesting to hear what he struggles with as a young man in relation to the world.
  15. If you lost it all today, what do you have tomorrow? This will let you know what a man has when he has nothing. There are going to be hard times, when he potentially deals with loses. What does he still have when he has to keep him moving? This reveals what is truly important to him and what he holds close to his heart despite anything.

All in all, get inside of his head before you give him your body. If you plan on having relations that go deeper than just physical, ask him questions that will provoke thought and in return give insight on the way his mind operates.

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